I sing. Sorta. I have always wanted to sing. Not for anyone, just for myself. It was on my list of things to do before I die. Three years ago I took a step toward this goal. I began looking for a Voice Instructor. I had no idea how to look or what I was looking for.... and to make things even harder.... NO ONE could know.
It's not that I was afraid people would make fun of me, it was that I couldn't have people know because I didn't want to be treated like a monkey. I didn't want people asking me to sing for them. I didn't want people to feel entitled to a performance simply because I disclose this part of myself. People have all sorts of hobbies, like sewing and fishing. No one ever asks them to perform on spot. This is what I want to avoid.
I tried to work with one teacher and it went nowhere fast. We didn't mesh. I was getting nothing from his instructions nor was I trying to sing. I feel like I wasted my money. I almost stopped there. I am so glad that I changed my mind.
I decided to look within a 50 mile radius. I knew this would require even more work if I found an instructor who lived more than half an hour away from me. I'd have to set aside a big chunk of time, if I took the Bay Area traffic into consideration. My one hour class could involve 5 hours of travelling time.
I paid for a months worth of classes and guess what? My new Vocal Instructor lives 50 miles away from me. Ok, so I also have to take into account parking, getting out of work on time or early, the $20 in gas to get back and forth, possible parking fees and the class fee. Is this worth it? Do I really want to invest this much time and effort? The answer is yes all across the board.
It's been nearly 3 years since I have started Voice Lessons with Robin. She is amazing and I can not imagine my life without her. Can I sing? Yes. No. Maybe. Well, technically, I have a 3 octive range voice. (Just as a reference, Mariah Carey is in the 4 - 6 range.) I can hit some good notes and understand the flow of Opera. I love and appreciate Opera, but I LOVE punk rock!!! Anyway, here's my issue - Fear. Fear of I don't know what. I mean, during class it's just the two of us in a room singing, recording and being silly. Yet, my stomach will get tight and I freeze up when I have to sing alone.
I have gotten better. Hard to imagine, I know, but it's true. In the first year, I could barely open my mouth and make a sound. Now I can breathe more consistently and I have my shining moments. I have yet to let go of the fear and it's seriously weighing me down, down, down.
On top of all this internal drama, I haven't told many people that I have been working on this goal. I still lie to people about where I'm going off to weekly. The ones that do know have to be warned to not tell the others. It's a lot of stress. So far, it's worth the extra effort.
Tonight, I had a mediocre class. I was not my best. I do become frustrated with myself, but I keep plowing forward. I refuse to give up. My brother says I need to take it seriously. I do. I spend about $60-70 a week to have a class. Some are fantastic, where I bounce down the stairs and drive home with a huge smile on my face. Other nights, I wanna curl up into a ball and cry like a bitch.
I have yet to sing in front of people. The goal is to put a couple of drinks in me and go for it. Drinking is NOT good for the vocal chords. I do not recommend it. Yet, a shot or two of liquid courage might stop me from over-over-thinking, like I do. At this point in time, just doing it might take priority over not having a drink. Ideally, I'd like to just jump into the fire and do it well. Stay tuned.
No comments:
Post a Comment