Countdown

13 days until my birthday! I'm actually excited. Hmmm....but that's good. I am tired. I'm scared or maybe not scared, more like frustrated??? Is that the word? I went to visit my old temp agency on monday to update my resume. I thought I was fine with it.

But the next day, I woke up with fear and an unsetling feeling,"what if they call me?" OK, it's dread. I can't stand the thought of going back to a b.s. office job doing something I absolutely hate. I know I'm not 100% healthy and I can't stand for long, but why does that have to limit my options? I see it as limiting my life and it's crushing me up inside. I felt like crying all day.

I have this thing that I do, a little unknown fact. Not that I go about hiding it. I don't tell people about it. I go to the movies alone to pick myself up. I do it when I feel I really need that space, privacy. It's a semi-pampering ritual for myself. I go see a movie and I sit in the dark and cry. Sometimes the movie does make me emotional. It might be one that's more of a chick flick or an indie one.

Today I went to watch "Little Miss Sunshine". I highly recommend it! It was everything I needed to sit in the dark and cry. I don't worry about what others will think of me. The movie made me laugh, made me sad. I cried for no reason. I cried to release whatever emotions I'm not even aware of that I am storing in myself.

Last Friday, I went to visit Corey at In-symmentry. www.mybodyhurts.com She is helping me release my tmj issues. I know there's emotional junk there. I have a serious and frightening issue revolving around my neck. I am afraid to have anyhting near my neck. Lately, it's more tight than usual and it's causing me pain. Corey adjusted my neck. Seems my Atlas was out of place. It was close to traumatic for me to allow her to do this. I thought I was going to freak out and cry. I didn't.

There seems to be an aftermath to that though. I have been crying. I'm positive it's related to having my neck adjusted. I am releasing something. It's good. I wish it didn't involve so much emotional/inner drama. Moving forward and shedding skin is a something I am looking forward to doing.