This I Know

I need to cut down on my drinking. I went to the doctor the other day. I really need to pay more attention to my eating habits and up my cardio. ( I actually miss the days when I used to spend 3 hours in the gym. ) I read something about drinking increasing your odds of breast cancer.

Not only do I have to worry about cervical cancer (I am officially too old for the vaccine and have never had a child. Thus, uping my risk.) but now I have to cut down on the booze. I probably drink way more than most people. I actually enjoy the taste of alcohol. Like some people like chocolate at the end of their meal, I enjoy a good whiskey or vodka cocktail. Beer and pizza is a perfect night for me.

I have been drinking steadily since I was bout 11. I drink to sleep sometimes. I have can take alot of the daily pain, but sometimes it's too much and I spend months not sleeping properly. I know I average on one good night of sleep a year. When I drink to sleep - those nights don't count as deep, restful sleep. They are just numbing. I'd like to belive since I am older and wiser (just a wee bit) I no longer need to abuse myself. The goal is to cut out drinking for a long time. Let's try 6 months and see what happens.

While writing that, I had the realization that I really have changed my self abuse patterns. I have made more of a commitment to being alive. I'm not dead like I thought I'd be at this age. I'm ok with living well into my 80's or whatever...sorta. I haven't cut myself in years or etched in words into my skin or whatever. I'm no longer agoraphobic. I do like to leave my house. I love being on the road most of all.

Lately, I have been listening to a lot of music. I am trying to find my voice, myself. it makes me happy. I need to finish my drink, this cartoon, and get to bed.

Go listen to Juliette and the Licks if you haven't already. they put on one of the most amazing shows!!