I'm not Dead,Just Floating

Decided to stay away from Twitter and MySpace for awhile. Lately, I've felt overly sensitive,but I don't know why. Energetically, I've always been sensitive. Even as a little kid, I can recall picking up a vase and feeling it's energy. I can still feel the energy of an entire restaurant. Sometimes without wanting to, it sorta attacks me. It DOES feel like being attack. I hope to get control of this, eventually.

I wish I could decide to fix my physical issues quicker. From all my teachings, it is stated you can only let go of things when you are seriously ready. The issue can't be forced. Over the years, I've been in a state of emotional erosion in order to fix the physical. I'm sick of having limitations.

I'm not sure how I decided to do a 2 hour Vortex session. Seems I like to have my healings done in clusters of three. This time I felt as if I needed to power hose the hell out of my system and make it better - fast! I won't allow myself to think of the money I'm putting into this because if I can fix myself, then I'll be able to work longer hours. It'll all balance out in the end.

Nathan and I talked about my emotional syrup reaction. When I have an emotionally reaction, it's as if I'm in slow motion. By the time the essence of my emotions hit me, I've moved on to the next thing. There's no time to feel. i don't have time. I just have to keep going, keep running. One day I'll rest. i wonder if this is why I don't dream.

There's a lot of static energy in my pelvis. The cause of my leg numbness, my fatigue, great pain and overall weirdness. I've no way to know if I'm fertile or not. I've been suffering with pubic shearing and psoas spams that nearly drop me to the floor. This was a large focal point in my session.

It felt like a force, like a river, of energy was being pushed through me from top to bottom. I felt my heart pulsating, my throat fighting to open and close. My jaw was shifting,too. My heart chakara was throbbing so intensely, it felt as if I'd overdosed on diet Rockstar. It was merely opening and flexing it's power within my body.

Later, the focus became my uterus/pelvis. I felt great heat being pushed into me. My throat was also worked on. It felt like san swirling in my torso and evening out. These visuals do pop into my head as I'm being worked on. I have to have something to compare my experience, to express it.

Two hours felt like nothing. It also felt like a long time to be worked on. After a massage, your body and mind are so relaxed, you are in a slight stupor. After a Vortex session, it feels impossible to move.

Thought about going home and going to bed. Went to grab a bite to eat and watch a movie. Before I reached home, stopped off at the store. Picked up a 6 pack, mac & cheese, and watermelon seltzer. One slight problem.

My ankle, the left one, began hurting. It became difficult to walk. I had to drag my left leg and get through the store as quick as physically possible. I hoped after resting it would go away. Seems the Vortex stirred up my ankle injury. The very same one I earned in London.

Once in bed, I could feel energy shooting down my legs. felt like webs were shooting down me and being merged together. Building a stronger version of myself. For the very first time I feel the left side of my body (mainly lower) is connected to my body. My left leg and hip are finally attached and stronger. I'm amazed!

I'm still in recovery. I'm still resting and integrating the changes in my physical body. I've been sleeping all day. Plus, I'm craving protein and can't seem to quench my thirst. My heart is still buzzing. I can't wait to see what I can do. Can't wait to start working out.

A great epiphany....on my cooking. I used to cook all the time. Love cooking. Wanted to be a chef when I was about ten. Once my Nana died, I stopped cooking. It's as if I'm holing my breath. I haven't found a reason to let go. I never cried and so I stopped caring about nourishing myself. My heart is on pause. I have no way of knowing when or what will hit the Play button on my heart. Dancing helps.

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2nlzwXUttY

Vanity is a Bitch of a Mistress

I suppose I fall into the tomboy category and not so much. I don't like to brush my hair. It has more waves and curls in it if I leave it alone. Yet, I'm never without lipstick. I feel naked without it. I also wear rings all the time. Except now I have to clip them into my pocket so they don't get in the way of my work.

It is because I work in the beauty industry that I have to care about my appearance. It is because I'm an Esthetician I mainly concern myself with my skin. That can include makeup. I actually can not wait to turn 40. I'll love saying it. Wish I could say it now.

Work sucks because of the people The vain people who will never understand themselves. Yes, I sometimes don't love the increasing amount of grey hair I am showing or the tiny,tiny line appearing above my lip. Oh, nearly forgot the eyes showing some puffiness. Prolly help if I slept.

Let me break that down; I don't like my grey hair because my own parents didn't begin showing grey until a much later date. I feel cheated. I don't want my lip wrinkle to actualize because if it becomes wild I'll no longer be able to rock red lipstick. The puffiness...I need to sleep.

If I feel like it, I'm buying that swimsuit and rockin that stretchmark that pokes out. I've earned all my wrinkles. They're called laugh lines for a reason. Get to laughing.